Sunday, 13 September 2015

How to Survive Mother-in-Law Attacks

  • One big fear women have about marriage is "mother in law". I have talked about this matter before, but I will throw more light on it today because of its sensitivity. 
    When you get married, you are instantly propelled into a relationship that can sometimes be wonderful or otherwise, depending on your relationship with your in laws before you married their son.

    Surprisingly, most women don't understand that this relationship can be one of the most interesting relationships you will have in your married life, but how would this happen? You must first read and digest the points below, to understand what I am talking about.
  • You must always remember that she was his first love 

    You fail to realise that this woman nurtured your man to become the Prince Charming you are crazy about today. She changed his diapers and cleaned up his mess at night when he was sick. What you think you have done for him that's driving him crazy, She has done it  even much more before you met him. You may even be seen as not having earned what he is giving you. So when you treat him poorly in her eyes, she wont be happy with you. She will question what he sees in you and even ask him this directly. In turn, he foolishly relays this conversation to you and —it's game on. This is where many mother-in-law relationships start poorly. 
    So, what would you do as the wife? Start the war with her? No! All you need do is to present yourself as a good and respectful wife before her. She is human you know. Once she sees how much you love her and you openly display your love for her, she will definitely reciprocate your love. 
  • Know that she wants the best for him

    When she gave birth to him, she had dreams for him. She prayed day and night for the  dream to come true. She nurtures this dream till he is grown and then you came into the picture to push her aside. So, she begins to struggle with how to leave him in your care just like that. Please note that it's not a personal vendetta against you,it could be to any woman he chooses to be with. When she talks about the former 'perfect' girlfriend, she doesn't realize that they broke up for a reason. In hindsight, she was the 'perfect' girlfriend for the mother-in-law just not for her son.
  • The fear of loosing him completely to you drives her crazy

    She was the decision maker before you came into the picture, now he listens to you and your decision stands. Chai!!! There is God oooo. These are some fears that race through her mind, among others. Being able to control things in her favor is something she might do, which causes obvious problems.
    Perhaps you, like numerous others, want a great relationship with your mother-in-law. It's not hard to do. It may take a bit of work and some self-reflection on what things matter to you in life. Here are some ideas on how to make it work.
  • Build a strong Relationship with her and limit the information you give to her 

    A strained relationship with in-laws is often created when too much information is shared about your relationship. This could be because of you or your spouse. When your Mother in Law knows how much your husband gives you as monthly allowance, how much you spend or what you constantly fight about, this could mean you are sharing too much information with her. The less she knows, the less she has to throw in your face. The more she knows,  the more she stays involved in your business. 
  • Respect her as you would your own Mom

    Hopefully, your parents taught you lots of morals as well as being respectful to potential in-laws. Now, here is a small hint. Don't ever wait for your mother in law's respect before you respect her.  I often hear a dumb phrase, "I only respect people who respect me." People who believe this tend to have poor relationships in general. My STRONG suggestion to you is that you be respectful to your in-laws for two reasons. First, your spouse will love you for it. Second, it's the right thing to do. Simple. 
  • What you will discover is that the issues your mother-in-law has with you aren't about you. It is more about the relationship with her son transitioning from her to you. As difficult as it is for you, remember it can be just as difficult for her.
    So dear wife, it's not too late to mend the broken walls. It starts now. Remember if your hubby sees you happy with his mom, you will earn more respect and love from him. 
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