Sunday, 7 June 2015

How to End the Conflict Between Wives and Mothers-in-Law

The issue of mother-in-law is one which many wives wish does not exist in marriages. This is because it is the bane of many problems in most marriages. 

Many daughters-in-law dislike their mothers-in-law and very few of them have good things to say about their mothers-in-law.
This is why some spinsters wish they marry a man without a mother. The truth here is, most women see their mothers-in-law as overbearing, busybodies and their greatest rival. 

The question now is, "are mothers in laws really bad? Finding have shown that there is usually an unending raging conflict between mothers-in-laws and their daughters-in-law. Note that there are two parties to the conflict; the wife and the husband on one hand, and the Husband and his family on the other hand.

The Wife and Her Husband

Many wives especially in Africa come into marriage fully prepared for battle based on the pre-conceived notions that mothers-in-laws are evil and must be put to their right places. Hence, they have formed an opinion of their in-laws and have concluded that in-laws are antagonists. 

A wife will  believe that once her husband marries her, he must abandon his family and cleave unto her, then back it up with a Bible verse which says “A man will leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife”. By their faulty interpretation of the scripture, they seem to forget that the same scripture commands that a man must honor his parents. He must to relate with them and provide for them. However, the relationship with them should not allow unnecessary interfere with marital affairs. 

The Husband and His Family

Unfortunately, relations especially in Africa interfere unnecessarily in marital affairs. No parent or relation has the right to meddle in the marital affair of their son or else the son grants them power to do so, but unfortunately, such powers when given are abused. A man who allows undue interference in his marriage is consciously or unconsciously setting the stage for a conflict especially where his wife detests such interference. 

Mothers-in-law fail to realize that once their sons get married, they take the back seat while the wives take the front seat in their son’s life. A mother-in-law wants to be loved and accepted by her son even after he gets married. She want to remain relevant in his life and be treated as a priority. Some mothers-in-law who have had rough and difficult marriages will probably fight hard to protect their sons. 


It is important to know that the relationship with one’s in-law is a sensitive one that requires humility and wisdom to handle. It is also important to know that marital relationship is a strong one that needs a lot of patience and understanding. 


It is the husband’s role to ensure that he plays his part effectively to mange the two women in his life without hurting either of them. He has the duty to protect his wife and also take care of his mother. He is the middle man between these two women and therefore needs a lot of wisdom to strike a balance between them. 


A wife must learn to tolerate, accommodate and love her in-laws. She must be humble, friendly and show some respect to her in-laws.It is duty of the wife to maintain cordial relationship with her in-laws to give peace to chance in her marriage. Maybe we don’t know, a man will love and respect his wife more if she respects his mother and shows it with humility. A wife's character must portray a good home training which will be a plus to her parents. She should see her in-laws as her own family and her life will be better for it. Yoruba adage says, its easy to have a bad husband than to have bad in-laws. They will fight for you if they love you, and they will ensure you enjoy your marriage.


The Mother-in-Law must understand that once his son gets married, she is no longer his son's priority. She must understand her position and respect herself. There is no doubt that she is her son's first love, but she stops being the first lady the moment she hands him over to another woman. Respect they say is reciprocal.She must respect herself to command respect from her daughter-in-law.
 She should realize that whatever she does to someone else's daughter will be done, even worse to her own daughter someday, somewhere.

Finally, the couple must ensure they carefully protect their marriage against external attacks. They must learn to love and trust each other and close all gaps to avoid interference from a third party.

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